‘The right time’ is the all-time dilemma at some point for all of us, no matter the gender. We are facing, together with the lack of confidence or comfort, doubts and all kinds of uncertainties about one another, followed at times by unjustified and unjustifiable mistrust, jealousy and the rest of the range emotions.
What and when can be done in one’s relationship is something no one can tell you as cases differ big time one from another, therefore a ‘recipe’ can be hard to predict or to sketch. And we surely don’t want to be in the shoes of Natalie Wood’s character (from ‘Splendor in the grass’) who, struggling to come at terms with her inner self, got tormented by ‘should I do it?’ and ‘shouldn’t I?’ types of questions.
Rediscovering one’s inner sensual side doesn’t mean we have to go back in time and act as teenagers with the same leaping sense of recklessness and the same surge of excitement or arousal.
While keeping aside our ethnical values or norms, religion, education or social status could also help us clearing up the whole picture.
How can a premature ‘next step’ disrupt your relationship? How can not taking it when he asks for it do the same? How much of it can we save if we weren’t ready or haven’t been decided about lust vs. love on time (thus not have synchronized ourselves with our partners)?
In order to avoid a self-plotting situation, it’d be better to also avoid close contact in private spots before having it all figured out. The moment we have zero hold-backs and zero restraints as well could be the moment we can let ourselves ‘go with the flow’. By that time, we could start seeing ourselves – and our partners – as asexual beings; this way building a straight-forward report should be much easier. Being caught off guard can obviously lead to a pitch black of the relationship instead of a pitch perfect, though at the same time can represent a saving blackout as men tend to be the hurried ones and so this could lead to an avoidance of the ‘I have to double-check my feelings and make sure it’s the right time’ leading to another ‘stealing’ your partner.
A study published in the Journal of Sex Research quoted by Men’s Health on nearly 11,000 unmarried adults who were in “serious or steady” relationships inquired about when participants started having sex and looked at how this was related to their relationship satisfaction. “There is compelling evidence that waiting to have sex until later in the relationship is associated with better relationship dynamics and outcomes,” says study co-author Brian Willoughby, PhD, an associate professor in the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University.
Having sex sooner might also compel us to stay in relationships that we know aren’t built to last, the study suggests. Of those who were sexually active, a slight majority (51 percent) said they waited a few weeks before having sex, while just over one-third (38 percent) had sex either on the first date or within the first couple of weeks. The remaining 11 percent had sex before they even went on their first date. “Healthy relationships lead to good sex. Good sex doesn’t create healthy relationships,” theorizes Willoughby who, based on study’s evidence, also advises it’d be best for us to work on communication, enjoy shared interests, and develop strategies to steer clear of conflict before jumping into bed.
In the early 2000s, Illinois State University communications professor Sandra Metts performed a study on 300 college-age men and women, research quoted by Business Insider, to find out whether having an emotional connection – in particular saying “I love you” before having sex – could have a positive impact on a relationship, which it does.
The aftermath of not saying ‘the key phrase’ before and saying it after was a negative experience, according to Mett’s study. Also, Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist from California, agreed that being on the same page emotionally is helpful for finding ‘the best time’.
So neither the idea popularized by Sex and the City of the so-called “three date rule” nor the three-weeks waiting time seemed to have been efficient, but this was just to offer you a closer stance at the factual reproduction of the theory so you have a reference for it all.