Positive Self-Talk: “Why not say something positive about yourself?”

Our thoughts determine our feelings. Our feelings determine our actions.

Words and thoughts we say to ourselves, commonly referred to as Self-Talk, can be used to direct attention to a particular thing to improve focus or in conjunction with other techniques.

Self-Talk is generated within our minds or it can be verbalized. It can improve behavior depending upon how we interpret its words.

Negative Self-Talk produces adverse feelings, anxiety, and physical tension with performance. It affects our intensity regulation, confidence, and concentration. Positive Self-Talk, however, produces constructive feelings and improve performance.

“The Tale of Two Wolves” is a Cherokee legend that illustrates the choices we have to think either positively or negatively.

As the story goes, an old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life:

“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight, and it is between two wolves. One is evil. He is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good. He is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

“Staying positive in negative situations is the hallmark of mentally strong individuals,” observed mental strength coach, Gregg Swanson. Sport psychologist Jim Afrenow noted, “Understanding that this choice [positive Self-Talk] is yours alone is very empowering and important.”

Talking to one’s self isn’t a sign of mental problems. Having an internal conversation is normal and useful. Self-Talk is more than just building self-confidence. It allows you to use your talents to the fullest. It is neither a mindless positive affirmation nor only happy thoughts nor self-delusion. It can give you a handle for controlling moods. It can help you understand why you react the way you do. And, it helps you repeat success and curtail shortcomings.

Restructuring negative to positive Self-Talk is vital to a successful athlete. An athlete who misses a scoring opportunity may say, “I can’t believe I messed up” or “I stink a this, and I’m no good” can change the focus to “there are better scoring chances” and “bring it on!”

“The ultimate purpose of examining what is going on inside your head is to change actions that are self-defeating,” wrote Swanson. “Thinking correctly does alter your negative moods, but enduring change comes only with modifying your behavior.”

How do we do this? Keep your Self-Talk phrases short and specific. Speak to yourself in the first-person and in the present tense. Say what you want done not what you do not want done. Say these positive words to yourself with meaning and intensity. Finally, speak kind to yourself. Don’t berate yourself if something goes wrong.

Both positive and negative Self-Talk are certainly options for the athlete. The negative Self-Talk focuses on the past (anger, regret, and frustration) while the positive Self-Talk thrives on the present and overflows with optimism (strengthen focus, excitement, and relaxation).

“The mind guides actions. If we succeed in regulating our thoughts, then this will help our behavior,” noted psychologist Antonis Hatzigeorgiadis.


Dr. Kevin Goddu, Ph.D.
Head Golf Professional
Butter Brook Golf Club
Westford, MA


Positive Self-Talk










Impostor Syndrome

Psychology: Impostor Syndrome

Last night walking home with my husband, we talked a lot about our fears. He is an athlete, a mixed martial arts sportsman, which is kind of hard and scary thing to do. So, he has a contest in seven days, one of hundreds that he had to do, in his sport career. 

Anyway, he started sharing with me, how anxious, troubled and maybe unprepared he feels, for what’s laying ahead. 

On the other hand, I’m a sport psychologist, who just started a career in the field. Of course, I wanted to help. To ease his mind, he’s worries. But I’m scared. 

Thoughts rushing in my mind. I don’t have enough experience, knowledge … insight or that he is seeing me, like the goofy nerdy wife, that sometimes I’m. And not the professional that situation demands it.

Well, the next video, once again, reminds me that this is the story of all of us. 

Doesn’t matter how old you are, or young, how big is your account, or not, how much experienced you are, or just at the beginning, all of us, feel sometimes like an “ impostor “. 

And eventually, is not a bad feeling, it is a transformative step in your development.

Self Love

Self Love

Practicing self love can be challenging for many of us, especially in times when we face serious challenges.

It’s not about being self-absorbed or narcissistic, it’s about getting in touch with ourselves, our well-being and our happiness.

Feelings of powerlessness, helplessness, and lack of control have been identified as major characteristics, if not causes, of a number of psychological disorders in both children and adults. They may be the basis of depression, anxiety, relationship difficulties, suicidal thoughts, substance abuse, acting-out behaviors, and general dissatisfaction with life.

From a child’s perspective, parents, elder siblings, teachers, or role models can seem so much more capable that children may interpret this as their own inadequacy.

Learning to care for the self—as well as caring for others—serves both a curative and a preventative function. The more children can learn to nurture, self love and look after themselves, the less likely they are to suffer from low levels of self-esteem or self-confidence.

A balanced attitude toward self-nurturing reduces the probability of depression, anxiety, and unhappy interpersonal relationships. A good sense of self-worth enhances feelings of empowerment and confidence, thus equipping the child for challenging situations in the present or future.

We should practice self-love so we can push through our limiting beliefs and live a life that truly shines. And to get you in the right state of mind, I’ve put together a list of compulsively readable self-loving books. Enjoy!


Self Love

Self Love


Self Love



Belts and Stripes – Jiu-Jitsu, A Humbling Sport

Belts and Stripes – Jiu-Jitsu, A Humbling Sport


I don’t know about other martial arts, but in Jiu-Jitsu, which I practice for three years now, I noticed one subtle yet big fact, that follows the art as I’ve been practicing it.


Jiu-Jitsu itself is in charge of keeping the good students while flushing the bad ones out. Now you’re thinking to yourself, but wasn’t of the biggest lines to get into this Martial Art like, “Jiu-Jitsu is for everyone?”

It is! Allow me to explain.


Jiu-Jitsu is harsh. There’s no other way around. When you enter on the mat for the first time, there will be people there who have been practicing the art for weeks, some for months, and others even for years.

It is no surprise that you will be smashed for the first semester or even longer until you learn the basics so that you can survive.

Now what I really meant above was, there are no bad students. The rate at which you learn Jiu-Jitsu matters, but it isn’t a deciding factor for the art to naturally expel you.

Like in all places, people attending classes range from a whole different variety of personalities and physical shapes with strengths/weaknesses.




Although some people may quit over physical weakness, I’ve not seen that case within my academy. However, there are some traits that I see now and take into consideration as to wonder if a certain student will keep training, or simply quit after a while. For this post, I’ll just point out the three major ones that I’ve noticed, but as well as to keep the post short.


  • Laziness.

Obviously, right? But what happens if you skip the normal routine lessons, let’s say, 2/3 lessons a week? If you take a lesson a week, for a month in comparison to the colleagues that attend to 2/3, you’ll begin to notice a slight difference in your skill level. After 3 months in that rhythm, people who entered at the same time as you will be beating you with relative ease, which will turn out to be incredibly discouraging and will probably lead to the student in question to quit.


  • Being a Smartass.

There’s a difference between asking relevant questions mid training and asking about anything and everything, disproving the position being taught by the professor by adding ifs and a whole lot of variants. And why is this a problem? Because if you keep asking and thinking about disproving the position, are you really absorbing it? There are counters to everything in human chess, so why won’t you focus on the basics first, before anything else? Have some humility before your professor and classmates. If you don’t and Jiu-Jitsu still fails to instill it in you, I doubt you will persevere in this Martial Art.


  • Arrogance.

Humble in victory. Gracious in defeat. People who brag about their performance, balneary talks about egos and whatever else, will lead you down a path where you won’t find Jiu-Jitsu at its best and eventually, may also lead you to be cast aside if you are not shaped into a better form.

If you like to keep tabs on everyone who beats you and of whom you beat, you won’t let yourself go in this art. Jiu-Jitsu is about taking risks to perform the positions you learn in the classes. If at the point of rolling you won’t let yourself evolve just to win, then what are you really learning? Your classmates’ game will improve, while yours will remain the same until the point that everyone already gets accustomed to yours and suddenly… There’s no one else you can beat. Eventually, you’ll grow frustrated with that and you’ll stop attending the classes.

All these cases, I’ve seen them happen, some more than once, unfortunately. However, all of these factors can be changed, if you simply let the art that Jiu-Jitsu is, change you! It is humbling, it is rich in knowledge thus keeping your head busy from your life outside of the mat, and you will eventually bond with people who have the same energy as you.

People who endure in Jiu-Jitsu attract like-minded individuals and even if you have some flaws, if you keep practicing it will eventually shape you into a better version of yourself, I have no doubt about that!




Original post can be found here :

Belts and Stripes – Jiu-Jitsu, A Humbling Sport

Belts and Stripes – Jiu-Jitsu, A Humbling Sport
— Read on


Overcome Frustration With this 5 Tricks

Here’s the dictionary definition of frustration: “The feeling of being upset or annoyed, especially because of an inability to change or achieve something.”

Sound familiar? It sure does to me, especially in the context of health.

But you can change the fact that you live with chronic pain and illness every day. I know, I did. Now, I could relate many instances of when frustration has boiled over into anger, often followed by tears.

The problem with frustration—no matter in what context—is that being “upset or annoyed” adds a second layer of suffering to the emotional suffering you’re already caught up in.

In my experience, frustration serves no useful purpose. Quite the opposite: It clouds the mind, making it hard to see if there’s constructive action you could take to improve your situation.

Over the years, I’ve developed some strategies to minimize the impact of frustration in my life. (These suggestions apply to any source of frustration, whether in relation to your health or not.)

1. Recognize that you’re not alone.

Everyone gets frustrated at times. Knowing this can keep you from adding yet a third layer of emotional suffering in the form of that nasty culprit self-blame. Even the Dalai Lama said rthat he can still get angry at times. If he gets angry, he must also know what frustration feels like! So be sure not to make things worse by blaming yourself when this unwelcome emotional state comes calling.

2. Don’t treat the feeling as if it’s set in stone.

Impermanence is a universal law. Nothing stays the same for long. Of course, impermanence can be a source of sadness; but I like to say it can also be your friend.

Don’t set your frustration in stone by telling yourself that it’s a permanent feature of your personality. If you’re thinking, “But I’m always frustrated,” first of all, it’s probably not true. And second, even if it were true, you can change your response when this unpleasant emotion shows up (and this is true of any unpleasant emotion).

This is because, as we’re learning from neuroscientists, the mind is malleable; this means that you can change even your most deeply ingrained habits.

An effective way not to “set your frustration in stone” is to step back mentally, and take out self-referential terms, such as “I” or “me.” Simply say to yourself: “Frustration is present at the moment.” Then you won’t think of it as a permanent feature of who you are.

Holding this stressful emotion lightly in this way loosens its grip and makes it easier for you to move on with your day.

3. Work on developing patience when frustration (or any painful emotion) is present.

When a painful emotion arises, trying to force it away tends to intensify it. This is certainly true with frustration. The alternative is to recognize its impermanent nature and patiently wait for it to blow out of your mind, like a storm that passes overhead.

4. Contact a friend or relative who doesn’t mind listening to you.

Think about whether there’s someone you could contact who will understand what you’re going through—perhaps someone you know who’s recently been faced with an experience similar to yours.

It’s amazing how talking (or emailing or texting) with someone who shares your frustration can suddenly make it bearable, and allow you to patiently wait it out as in #3 above.

5. Administer self-compassion immediately.

Self-compassion is my go-to-practice in any stressful situation, including when I find myself caught up in an unpleasant emotion, such as frustration. All self-compassion asks is that you be kind to yourself. This means not blaming yourself for what emotions you’re experiencing at the moment: all kinds of emotions arise and pass without being invited … so, no blame!

Self-compassion also includes doing something nice for yourself, whether it’s lying down and listening to some music, watching a funny show on TV, eating a treat. Each of us has that special thing we can do for ourselves that soothes the mental pain that accompanies unpleasant emotions.

Finally, try speaking silently or softly to yourself in a compassionate and understanding voice: “It’s hard to be in so much pain. No wonder I get frustrated at times.”

When you give voice to your feelings in this way, you’re letting yourself know that you care about your suffering.

This alone will ease your emotional pain.

I hope these five suggestions have been helpful.
My best to everyone.