Summer is vacation time, the season to pause your rhythm and think a little bit about yourself, the moment to have fun. Which does not necessarily mean going wild or getting lost, but learning how to let go, to forget the imperatives of everyday life.
This summer you could learn how to take advantage of the present moment and to enjoy it as it is, without excluding the smaller pleasures that are looming. And yet things are not that simple, because we often fail to feel at peace in the present.
So, why is it so hard for us, to feel satisfied, happy and at pace in the present moment? Is it because of feelings of guilt, loyalty, and because of our education?
Guilt concerns us all, no one escapes it, but for some it acts like a dam that traps the flow of desire. In a way, it comes from an illusion, the illusion that we could have acted differently in the past, that we should be “at the rendez–vous” of life otherwise, better, that we are not at the necessary height etc. It shelters, as such, a certain omnipotence: “if I should have, I could have…”
However we are human beings linked to each other by a constellation of thoughts, affects, feelings, acts which make us take action in a specific manner and we may first have to accept that we could not have been able to do things otherwise.
If we start to be more benevolent towards ourselves, to consider more gently what has led us to this and that choice, to the profession we picked, to the life we have, then things can begin to look differently to us, we get out of fatigue (which is only a word to often say sadness, discouragement), inhibition, difficulty in having fun and instead of lashing out, which only aggravates the process, we begin to see new possibilities.
The object of desire can be multiple: it is desire as the source of being that is unique and that diversifies according to its objects (of thought, of love, etc.), and it is this source that is often obstructed, to which we no longer have access, no longer knowing what guides and attracts us.
Psychologists advise that we must learn to disobey urgently in order to be able to have fun and to disregard all suggestions coming from, for instance, our parents. To disobey means first to start by saying that taking care of yourself (almost in the sense used by ancient Greeks) is vital in order to be able to love ourselves and others.
This advice shouldn’t represent a hard task for most people, unless they suffer from anxiety, which means that one feels oppressed without knowing exactly why. Anxiety comes from an internal conflict. To put it simply, one part of yourself is opposed to the other.
The first one would like to change something quite radically to the situation which makes you suffer, whatever that is, while the other one decided that your life, as it is, is the best possible compromise and that you cannot therefore modify anything. The conflict is raging, but nothing emerges outside. We must therefore go to the source and gradually untie each of the threads to overcome this conflict.
“Shame is a subtle poison which often reminds us that in our childhood pleasure, perhaps, was stolen, not assumed. Perhaps because a parent is in sadness or melancholy and we do not want to add to their grief by making it too visible our childhood joy, it remains in us like a hidden circuit, which is difficult let out because often we will look for people who more or less consciously take up the thread of this archaic relation to the parent,” assert various psychologists.
Learning to come out of fusion is very important, because in fusion you have in a way “one body for two” and this undermines not only the (sexual) desire but also the desire to share, making us to take distance fromplaying, dancing, loving etc. To deprive oneself of one’s desire would be a kind of psychological death, an anesthesia of the being which ultimately leads to depression or illness, warn psychologists.
If your impossibility of enjoying life and seizing the moment comes from a recent break-up that left you free from desires and even heartbroken, then reconciling yourself with what happened, rather than being locked in a closed past, seems the way for something new to happen, something positive that will create you pleasure and that will give you the eagerness and availability you once used to have.
Timidity can also be a great force and a repressed insurance: you shelter in yourself a very solar person who since childhood undoubtedly believes that if he / she shines, the others will be mortified.
It is necessary to get out of this toxic loyalty, by understanding where and when it happened, and face your solar person. ‘The more high dikes are built, the more powerful the river.’
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