Life management and performance: beat the odds by escaping manipulative relationships.
Whether we’re talking about D’Artagnan or Franco, both known for their exquisite manipulation and strategy tactics, or about some narcissistic personality that’s keeping us ‘jailed’ in an imaginary Chateau d’If like a sordid affair for instance, or an inescapable marriage, in a nutshell things don’t look good to us, the normal ones.
Learn how to detect such patterns and how not to let certain people ruin your life by taking in account the following tips specialists in psychology and sociology offer for you.
What is a narcissistic pervert?
Someone who works 24 hours a day at strategy and manipulation, in the predatory mode. The narcissistic pervert has a very rational, strategic intelligence. He does everything to seduce and to place his prey under his entourage, to exploit and destroy the people he meets and he considers appropriate to be approached by him.
He destroys quite consciously as he uses only his strategic intelligence while having buried his emotional intelligence in him. He calculates very pragmatically the steps he takes for seducing and exploiting his prey. The narcissistic pervert is someone, according to psychologists, dissociated. His behavior is due to traumatic dissociation.
The narcissistic pervert is someone who has actually experienced trauma during his childhood, and this trauma led him, in order to keep on surviving it, to dissociate from his body. He is therefore someone who therefore works in total denial of his body, his feelings, his emotions, his basic needs, and who also denies his mind, his creative thought, this thought which involves psychic conflicts and questioning. The narcissistic pervert works mechanically without empathy towards others and never questions himself. These are therefore people who have experienced trauma through their family relationships with physical and / or verbal violence. To protect himself, the narcissistic pervert dissociated himself from his “emotions”, the ones that allow him to achieve his goals without any remorse.
Does today’s society “produce” more narcissistic perverts or are we more capable to identify themthan we used to be?
According to specialists, our current society encourages this type of profile. In our ultra-competitive society, we see often the rational intelligence as being privileged, at the service of the economy, an economy where competition is tough and which induces a lack of humanity more and more present in our society. For example, all related to new technology promotes this rational intelligence to the detriment of sensitivity and empathy.
Do we also see redemption among the narcissistic perverts? Are there narcissistic perverts who repent?
This is something that we rarely come to see, show various statistics. Narcissistic perverts often have several preys at the same time and, sadly enough, they lose power very seldom. They will even go so far as to seduce their therapist in order to assert their power and be convinced of their success.
How can the victim protect himself from the narcissistic pervert?
First of all, do not hesitate in front of the narcissistic pervert (insinuating doubt being one of his privileged means to weaken others). It is necessary, as soon as it is appropriate and sufficiently visible, to call for respect because he has precisely none.
The victim must show him that is not fooled by the paradoxes he uses. The targeted persons should not isolate themselves. The victims must work to restore their knowledge of their values, skills and self-love. The victim must also realize that the narcissistic pervert is not superior but that he is in pain, fact which keeps him away from power. Also must know that the greatest fear that he hovers, that of destroying her sense of existence, is in reality impossible to achieve.
The survivors of the most inhuman concentration camps have testified that even the smallest thought and / or the smallest suffering or exhaustion reminded them and contributed, even if they did not want to and would have preferred to die, to feel they were being alive. In order to confer the narcissistic pervert less control over her own life, the victim can show herself as being emotionally stable and non-vulnerable in front of him. ‘This is like an Effeil Tower – a patient struggling with such a situation once stated – unable to be blown by the storm and keeping a beautiful stature.’
If we don’t have enough energy to defend ourselves, we should just drop it. During a group attack, it is essential not to be silent, under the effect of the shock, saying that someone other than oneself will eventually take action. It is there for important to react quickly, in the face of paradoxes and attacks, while remaining respectful and firm. The person who dares to confront the narcissistic pervert must be immediately supported by at least one other person witnessing the scene, as the narcissistic pervert cannot bear two people (associating them with his parents) facing him at the same time. Ideally is to try to confront him with his own feelings and emotions: as he is an empty shell, this puts him in great difficulty. Defending yourself effectively against a narcissistic pervert could send him back to the fact that he needs help. That’s why prevention is essential.
The narcissistic pervert is characterized by double language and secret actions. He draws his strength from this duplicity and manages to destabilize his victims by acting without a witness. Hence the need, as far as possible, to settle accounts with him in the presence of a third party (a colleague, a mediator or a relative, a family member).
The only way to counter a narcissistic pervert is to systematically write down everything that has been promised or said, also recommend psychologists. Not only does this keep track and cover up, but it also reassures you of your possible paranoia.
The narcissistic pervert can also be distinguished by his ability to blame the wrongs on the other. Even if he was the first to raise his voice, he accuses a third of having started it, making it hard to resist the urge to defend oneself. Forget the answers such as “but I have nothing to do with it, that is not true, you are lying…“. The narcissistic pervert doesn’t care about the truth, so it’s better to send him back to his contradictions.
Sticking to the same idea, the victim can also use numbering: counting the times the narcissistic pervert was told one or another.
Victims of narcissistic perverts often find themselves isolated. Because they are losing self-confidence, of course, but also because their executioner is often undermining the work of the victim’s loved ones.Obviously, isolation is not the key to return to the normal life the victim once had.
Another way to defend oneself from the narcissistic pervert is to retort his manipulation, a technique which consists in responding indifferently to everything that the narcissistic pervert argues. This will help the victim retrieve her inner peace and to put an end to the unstoppable accusation – justification flow between her and the executioner.
1% of the world population suffers from narcissism and 16% of the clinical cases are persons diagnosed with a form of narcissism, which can be: covert narcissist, sexual narcissist, overt narcissist, circumstantial narcissist or the passive-aggressive narcissist.
There is no cure for narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), the reason being that the healthcare sector currently lacks the experience and resources. At present, the preferred treatment for NPD is psychological therapies, from individual psychodynamic and cognitive behavioral treatments to group, family and marital therapy.
The narcissists would rather inspire fear or hatred than suffer the nightmare of being ignored. NPD alone is seldom the trigger for violence; this tends to arise whenit co-exists with another personality disorder, often histrionic or paranoid disorders. NPD is more common among men than women.