Human beings need values as well as benchmarks to navigate the storms of life. When some people refuse to admit their wrongs, their partners or simply friends can go mad due to lack of fair-play or acknowledgement, and this can translate into turnoffs, passion killers, betrayals, break-ups and so forth.
The real challenge is turning your hatred into indifference. For this to be accomplished, one should nevertheless go through the stages of diminishing anger, forgiveness, ending up creating new perspectives.
Expressing your hate does not solve anything, nor does it feeling it. Various collective and individual manifestations of hate end up losing, in the sense that everyone is dissatisfied and there is no winner. By experiencing hatred, like any negative emotion, we are the first victims to come; we hurt ourselves by generating in us negative emotions accompanied by a lot of stress.
Giving up to hatred is the best thing to do as indifference is much stronger and effective, while staying dignified is better for your health as well as for your self-esteem.
When the roots are self-hatred
Look at what we do to others – demands, excessive reproaches – to better understand what has been done to us; spot the negative images we have of ourselves and try to see where these labels come from; and above all, learn to differentiate between fantasy and reality: are the criticisms I am making justified? Am I really guilty or do I believe myself guilty because I have been guilty a lot for a long time? At some point, we have to fight against ourselves and stop condemning ourselves in advance without being offered a fair trial.
Self-hatred prevents you from recognizing your own merit: if we succeed, it is because others have made mistakes on our behalf.
Unacknowledged beauty, neglected health
The way we take care of ourselves is obviously linked to the value we place on ourselves. When one has been abandoned, one abandons oneself: shapeless clothes, messy haircut… The fact of not being able to show oneself without wearing tons of makeup or an over-studied outfit also reveals a lack of self-confidence and a reluctance to be seen natural. More difficult to spot, “self-hatred is also reflected in neglecting one’s health: we don’t go to the dentist, to the gynecologist. We believe we deserve the downgrades, the suffering; we don’t dare to show our body after having been made accountable for it,” explain therapists.
Following the words of Sören Kierkegaard, who defined hatred as “the love that has sunk”, and those of Jean Racine – “I loved him too much not to hate him.” -, and taking into consideration the hypothesis, often proved right, that hatred comes also or first from self-hatred, curing ourselves is the solution for a healthy planet populated by good people.
How to forgive
Etymologically to forgive means to give completely. Give what? Or give back what? Return to Caesar what belongs to Caesar. It’s freeing oneself from a load.
Forgiveness is part of the family of abandonment: you must let go, no longer hold on to your hatred but feel that you have been let go by your parents. We can then create a new link, yet this is not mandatory. Forgiveness is a personal act. And in forgiveness, if there is a winner, it is the one who forgives because he gains inner freedom as hatred can act like a trapping rope. One is a slave to his hatred, the latter being a terrible and uncompromising master.
Hatred is an ogre: you have to feed him constantly. We gain power when letting hatred go because it is no longer trauma that commands and imposes, but it is the subject who decides, who directs, negotiates and manages. We gain more humanity because we can say and think: “I have this power to survive a trauma.” We are gaining a spot in the history of mankind.
We gain from cleaning ourselves up: cleaning up all defilement, getting out of feeling hate as a consequence of someone else’s wrongdoings. To forgive is to get rich. It is to recover a physical and psychological freedom. It is doing something for yourselfand not against others.