We all have had difficult days, times of adversity, disappointments and negative emotions. Some managed to accept pain and to cure faster, others suffere more, victimized themselves and expressed it in various manners. Putting emotional and physical distance from people one believe unworthy can also be a way of expressing it.
This article is about how not to let grudge or treason turn you into a victim and on methods to deal with the pain inside and to heal it faster.
Physical pain can often be alleviated with the help of pain relievers or similar medications. On the other hand, emotional pain is usually difficult to deal with and it takes some time to overcome it. The way of facing it varies from one person to another. It is almost always related to the situation that originates it and to the support received.
- Panic attacks, fatigue, listlessness, chest and throat tightness, shortness of breath, muscle weakness, dry mouth, empty stomach (Worden, 2004)
- Insomnia, crying and tiredness (Casado et al., 2001)
- Hypersensitivity to noise, depersonalization, lack of energy and dry mouth (Muñiz Tinajero, 2010).
- Helplessness, guilt, anxiety, sadness, anger, confusionand anger (Worden, 1997, 2004)
- Pain, depression, rage, anguish, loneliness, relief, nostalgia, jealousy and helplessness (Muñiz Tinajero, 2010).
- Thoughts of disability, self-reproach, self-insecurity, indifference to life, disbelief, confusion and rumination (Worden, 2004).
- Disillusionment, disbelief
- Obsession about the person and situation of rupture, nightmares, search for strategies to avoid thinking about rupture (Casado et al., 2001).
- Disbelief, concern and longing to continue with the relationship (Muñiz Tinajero, 2010).
- Sighing, crying, looking for the ex-partner, sleep and / or eating disorders, hyper-hypo activity, social isolation and distracted behavior (Worden, 2004)
- Psychosomatic responses, demotivation, boredom, discouragement, violent acts, indecision, direct and / or indirect avoidance of environments reminiscent from the former partner, attempts to seek help and recovery with other loved ones (Bayés, 2001, 2006).
- Increased consumption of alcohol, tobacco or other drugs (Cabodevilla, 2007).
1. Take as much time as necessary
Feeling emotional pain relief and seeing everything more clearly takes time. Although we need to be happy as soon as possible, sometimes it is better to let time heal pain in its proper way, without repressing it. Take a break, let the wounds heal, and be sure to make a full recovery to welcome new opportunities.
2. Be aware of your suffering
We all have the capacity to observe the pain, the anguishes, the frustrations and all those negative feelings that make us think that everything is hidden.This ability allows us to be aware of suffering and, in one way or another, tells us that things cannot go onas they are. Choose not to identify with bad experiences anymore! For achieving it, stop feeding yourself daily with what brings pain out to the surface. Don’t let pain take over your life!
3. Spend time alone and manage to relieve emotional pain
When we are in love, the time we share with our loved ones is valuable and seems to give meaning to our life. After the heartbreak part, what we only have left is a deep emptiness that makes us feel life heavy and difficult to bear. You just have to be patient and trust yourself, even if it seems almost impossible. If we spend that time alone to feed our self-esteem, we can get to bring out our best qualities to make a better version of who we are. Take advantage of time spent alone to acknowledge, love and appreciate those beautiful parts of yourself that you might not have known you have. Also try to rest and practice activities that generate pleasure and that provide you with your own well-being.
4. Avoid making hasty decisions
Because of psychological pain, many people act recklessly without thinking about the possible consequences. Controlling these actions is important, as they can make the situation worse or make us choose things we don’t really want. The more pain you are feeling, the more likely you are to make an inappropriate decision based on impulse. Try to calm down, cry if necessary and meditate a few days before deciding what you really want to do.
5. Seek support to ease your emotional pain
People who bring positive things to your life are really worthwhile. Therefore, you should surround yourself by those who are always looking for ways to make you laugh or who are at least trying to distract you with some special activity. Emotional support is essential to put aside the pain and negative feelings that often accompany it. Advice, words of encouragement and a simple smile can change the way we think when facing hard times.
6. Stop holding yourself back
Love things, but avoid holding on to them in order to avoid later suffering. Get the idea that nothing in this life lasts forever and nothing belongs to you no matter how safe you feel or how much you’d wish to. Dare to live each moment as if it were the last one and take advantage of each of the opportunities that cross your path. If you learn to take the good from everything, you will help yourself to be happier. Many of our problems come from that passionate desire to hold on to things we mistook as lasting. No one, as strong as may seem, has the power to say goodbye to his sadness overnight. This process is complex, although it can be achieved little by little with the help of new illusions, some motivation and a lot of attitude.
7. Practice self-compassion
Facing our own suffering without judgment and with an attitude of cordiality and kindness is essential for resilience. Practicing self-compassion requires being kind to ourselves. For beginners, every time you start to feel overwhelmed by pain or stressed you can take the ‘self-pity break’. When you begin to develop a kinder attitude towards yourself, you can crystallize that soft voice into a compassionate letter. Take 15 minutes to write words of understanding, acceptance and compassion for yourself about something that is a struggle for you or that you blame yourself for. In the letter, you can remind yourself that we all have those kinds of struggles and that you don’t have full responsibility for anything. If possible, you could also consider constructive ways to improve in the future.
As mindfulness gurus remind us, our most painful thoughts are often about the past or future: we regret and ruminate on things that went wrong, or worry about things that will happen and that possibly will go wrong as well. When we stop and bring our attention to the present moment, we often find that things aresimply… fine. Practicing mindfulness increasingly brings us to the present moment and offers techniques for dealing with negative emotions when they arise. In this way, instead of letting ourselves be carried away by fear, anger, or despair, we can work through them more deliberately.
9. Positive psychology
Positive psychology offers a new meaning to life, it allows you to understand that the most important thing to be happy is not external circumstances, but your own inner attitude. Every human being has problems, disappointments, conflicts and suffering. However, positive psychology is the attitude that allows you to rise above that gray layer of sadness to observe the hopeful horizon of living that offers you personal development.
As a human being, you are a resilient being. That is, you have the ability to get back up after a fall. You have the power to overcome yourself beyond the obstacles that are part of the path of living. It is recommended not to stay on the edge of that obstacle but to overcome it with your will power.
10. Contact with nature
Meditation and positive psychology take on added valuewhen you practice optimistic thoughts and relaxation exercises in a context as inspiring as nature. That is, when you breathe the pure air of green spaces, you connect with your transcendent side and observe life in all its dimensions of beauty.
Connecting with nature is healthy to reduce stress, it allows you to say goodbye to suffering and helps you live the current moment with serenity. Nature itself becomes a metaphor for emotional transformation, as the muted tones of the winter landscape are followed by the vital colors of a renewed spring. This means resilience: having the ability to flourish after pain.